


Security

by accelgors



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Constipation, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Shot, Post-Canon, Self-Loathing, Soft Ending, holiday fic, mentions of suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21860188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accelgors/pseuds/accelgors
Summary: Shortly after making up with each other and retiring, Jack and Gabriel spend their first Christmas together.Some slightly somber, downbeat writing about loving someone even through their hardships.
Relationships: Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Kudos: 68





	Security

It had been years since Jack had even gotten the chance to have a real Christmas celebration.

The Christmas parties at Overwatch were always joyous times. Sweet memories that he still cherished to this day. But after everything went to shit, he didn’t have anyone to spend it with for years, and what was the point of only getting Christmas gifts for yourself?

When he reconnected with Ana, they did exchange gifts with each other. It may seem ridiculous in their circumstances, but those little traditions were some of the things that kept Jack sane. Well, as close to sane as he could’ve been.

But now, that was over. He and Gabriel were together again. They had only stopped fighting about six months ago. Maybe it was going too fast to live in the same house. But it wasn’t as if Jack’s relationship with Gabriel had a history of reasonable decision-making to it. 

He had considered throwing another Christmas party. To celebrate his retirement, and his ability to even enjoy these traditions. But he quickly realized that he’d much rather share some quality time with Gabriel instead of worrying about organizing a gathering. Maybe someday, but for now, he knew that his time with Gabriel could end at any moment. Their relationship was only just becoming stable, and the possibility of Gabriel walking out again always lingered in the back of his mind. More than that, though, he just wanted to be with Gabriel. For now, they could forget about everyone else.

Luckily, Gabriel seemed to follow the same logic. Not that he had many friends to invite. Was that an insensitive thought for him to have?

...It was true, though. Over the years since he and Jack separated, the only person that was willing to give him any kind of chance was Sombra, and who knew where she was at any given moment? Jack had started to reconnect with their old friends as much as he could, but Gabriel didn’t seem to want to rekindle those bonds, after he had stepped on them so thoroughly. Jack knew that he was probably just afraid to try and get rejected, but he didn’t say that aloud. He wasn’t sure if they were at the point yet where he could insult his pride like that. 

On Christmas morning, Jack woke up and saw that Gabriel wasn’t next to him. Although he could’ve just woken up already, Jack had a feeling he knew the reason. Just to make sure, he checked the bathroom, which was where Gabriel went when his body started to destabilize…

...And his hunch was right. Gabriel was sitting on the bathroom floor, with both of his arms and a large part of his torso having turned to smoke. He had a wild look in his eyes, one that communicated true terror, as what was left of his body shook violently. It must be so scary to feel your body lose itself like he had. Jack’s stomach twisted with sympathy.

Instead of making any kind of scene about it, Jack merely sat down next to Gabriel. He wished so badly that he could help in some way. “Anything I can do?” Jack asked.

Gabriel’s head quickly turned towards him. “No. Fuck off. Just leave me alone.” 

In the past, Jack would’ve been hurt by that. It would’ve started a fight, one that could’ve even ended up with Gabriel leaving. But after so much time trying to work things out, Jack finally understood that Gabriel was just trying to push him away, and didn’t really want to hurt him. In its own strange way, it was a cry for help. 

So, instead of giving him any aggressive response, Jack looked into his eyes, trying to keep his expression as calm as possible. “Gabe. Please let me in. I can help you.” Jack wasn’t sure if he actually could anytime soon, but he would never stop trying. Someday they would figure it out. They had to.

“You don’t get it. Don’t fucking act like you do,” he spat. 

Jack nodded, a frown on his face. “You’re right. I don’t.” Gabriel looked genuinely shocked at that statement, as if he never expected Jack to admit that. Maybe in the past he wouldn’t. But now, he knew he had to. “But if there’s anything I can do - _anything_ \- I will. Won’t let you suffer alone.” 

“Why do you keep being so nice to me?” Gabriel said; he was shouting at this point. “I’m a monster. Inside and out. Just give up already.”

Jack slowly moved closer; enough to communicate his point, but not so much that it would scare Gabriel further. “No you’re not. I don’t believe you. And I’ll never give up on you.” Even if Gabriel fooled everyone else in the world into thinking he was irredeemable and evil, he would never fool Jack. No matter what he did.

Gabriel looked away from him; Jack noticed tears starting to come down his cheeks. “I’m so awful to you. I just can’t take this anymore, Jack!” He started to sob. Nothing made Jack feel worse than seeing him in so much pain. “This hurts so bad. Like being ripped into pieces. I can’t live like this.”

Ever so delicately, Jack inched forward and put his hand on the top of Gabriel’s back, the part that hadn’t started to fade. “We’ll figure something out. We’ll fix this. Don’t know when or how, but someday we will. I promise.” And he meant it. He’d make it his mission for the rest of his life to help Gabriel get better. Before he knew it, Jack started to tear up, too. “And I’m so sorry I let this happen to you.”

After a brief pause, Gabriel buried his face in Jack’s shoulder and cried. It killed Jack that he couldn’t hold him right now, but his hands would just pass right through, and that might cause Gabriel even more pain. Instead, he rubbed small circles on the upper part of Gabriel’s back. Anything to reassure him and calm him down. 

Jack inched his head closer to Gabriel’s ear. “Focus on coming back,” he whispered. “And try to breathe.” He knew that when Gabriel panicked like this, his body only became more unstable. Although Jack could never hope to understand his condition fully, little bits of knowledge like that were at least something. 

Luckily, Gabriel did follow his advice. His breathing started to even out a bit, and the tears began to stop falling. As Jack continued to rub his back, Gabriel’s right hand started to re-form. This gave Jack a bit of hope, and he couldn’t keep down a smile. Evidently, Gabriel saw it, because he smiled back. Sitting there with that sweet smile on his face, eyes puffy from crying, this was a rare moment of true vulnerability from Gabriel, and Jack would make sure to treat it with care.

Gabriel took deep breaths, and parts of his body started to come back. Jack gave him small encouragements, urging him on even as he cringed in pain. Eventually, he was corporeal again. The two sat on the bathroom floor for a while, Jack holding onto him and gently rocking back and forth. He remembered when his mother used to do this for him. To him, it was a sign of true nurturing. 

Finally, Gabriel started to get up. He was clearly still a bit shaky, as he nearly fell back over when he got up; Jack put his arms out behind him, ready to catch him if he fell. “Wanna go back to bed?” Jack asked.

Gabriel paused for a moment. “No, won’t be able to sleep now. Something to eat would be nice, though.”

Jack nodded. “Know exactly what to do.”

While Jack was cooking, Gabriel was mostly quiet, but seemed to have calmed down, for the most part. He wasn’t shaking anymore. Jack couldn’t imagine how traumatizing these experiences must be. It made his heart ache.

A little while later, breakfast was ready. It was Jack’s signature pancakes. He knew how much Gabriel loved these. Hey, Christmas breakfast should be special anyway, right?

He smiled at Gabriel as he put both of their plates down, pouring both of them glasses of orange juice. “Missed having these breakfasts with you, y’know,” Jack said.

Gabriel was already eating. “I missed the food.”

“Oh, so you didn’t miss spending time with me?” Jack said, feigning offense. “Can’t believe you like my pancakes more than me.” Jack took a bite; damn, these tasted like heaven, if he did say so himself.

Gabriel laughed. “Can’t help it. They’re pretty damn good.” 

Jack rolled his eyes. Completely unable to show affection? Yep, Gabriel was definitely back to normal.

After the two finished their breakfast, Jack got up from his chair; when he did, Gabriel came up behind him and hugged him. “Thanks.” Neither of them needed to verbalize what he was thanking Jack for. A person who didn’t know Gabriel well may assume it was for breakfast, but Jack knew better: it was for not giving up on him.

Although the pancakes were definitely a bonus.

\--

Christmas day continued. The two exchanged a couple gifts, and spent most of their time just talking and being together. Between being a constantly on the run vigilante and the Overwatch Christmas parties, he felt calmer this Christmas than he had in any as far back as he could remember.

Right after gift exchange, he and Gabriel sat on the couch together, some silly Christmas movie playing in the background. Jack wasn’t really paying too much attention to it. He was more focused on enjoying the other man’s company. 

Suddenly, Gabriel spoke, slightly startling Jack. “Hey Jack?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you miss having your friends around for Christmas?” Gabriel paused, not looking him in the eye. “If you feel lonely, you can invite them.”

Jack thought about it for a moment. On some level, he did. It was nice to be surrounded by everyone on the holiday. But at the same time, he valued Gabriel’s company most, and he suspected Gabriel might try to avoid everyone and start brooding if their old friends were over. He’d rather spend the holiday with him. “Maybe a little. Might invite Ana over later, if you don’t mind.” Jack wasn’t entirely sure where Gabriel and Ana’s relationship was, but he was sure they could at least handle each other. “But I’d rather be with you than the rest of them.”

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a moment. Eventually, ever so quietly, he said something very rare: “I’m sorry.”

Wait. Did he hear that right? “For what?” Jack asked.

“For snapping at you earlier.” Gabriel stared at the ground. “You just wanted to help, and I was a dick to you.”

That was...surprisingly mature of him to say. Often, they’d simply have to apologize in very subtle ways and forgive each other over time. It was kind of nice to cut through the bullshit. “It’s alright. Know you were hurting a lot.”

There was a brief silence, until Gabriel leaned further back on the couch, putting his hands behind his head. “Jack, do you ever just feel like a shitty person?”

That bit of honesty, of Gabriel expressing himself to Jack instead of simply brooding on his own, gave Jack a sense of pride in him. They’d come so far. “Yeah. Still have trouble forgiving myself for some stuff.” Jack had never truly forgiven himself for abandoning Gabriel, even though Gabriel seemed willing to forgive him. He put his head down. “On really bad days, I wish I’d died in the explosion.” Deciding to be honest, he added, “Or just done it myself after.”

Gabriel frowned at him. “Same here.” He looked up the ceiling. “But I think of it this way: if we’d have died, those assholes would’ve got what they wanted. Living another day is the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to all of them.” 

Jack chuckled. Thinking of it that way was just so _Gabriel._ “Lemme tell you about something.” Gabriel looked at him. This was a hard one for him to admit to, but if they were already being vulnerable, he might as well go for it. “One time I tried to rough this member of Helix up to get some intel, and I accidentally killed him. Wanted to be like you always were, just doing what I had to so I could get the job done. But I couldn’t.” He sighed. “Went back to a safe house and cried my eyes out. All I could think about was how he didn’t do anything wrong, and how much his family would miss him. Never felt like a more horrible person. He was just doing his job. He had nothing to do with the bad guys. But in a weird way, it kinda helped me get you more.” Gabriel stared at him, clearly not understanding. “It taught me how horrible it feels to be the ‘bad guy’. Helped me understand that we see someone kill someone else, but we don’t see how awful they feel about it after. That’s when I knew there was no way you could be doing these things and not feeling bad for it, and maybe that was why you were so miserable.”

Gabriel took a deep breath. “Wow.” His voice went quiet. “It does feel terrible. It makes you feel like you’re not even a human.” He gave Jack a wistful smile. “If it makes you feel better, you’ll never be as bad a person as me. Says a lot about you that you cared so much. I think you’re pretty fucking badass, actually. Don’t tell anyone I said that, though.”

Jack grinned at him. “Gotta keep that image, right?”

Gabriel laughed. “Always.” 

The two were silent for a few moments, just staring at the ceiling and taking in what had been said. “You think I’ll ever be able to convince you you’re not a shitty person?” Jack asked.

“As soon as I can convince you you’re not,” Gabriel responded. 

“Touché.”

Another pause. “We’re fucked up, aren’t we?” Gabriel said.

“Yeah. Kinda.” Jack chuckled. “But I think we’re worth it.”

“Me too.”

After a moment, Gabriel shifted on the couch, moving towards Jack until he was leaning against him. Jack wrapped his arms around Gabriel, placing a kiss on top of his head. _I love you,_ he thought, but didn’t say it aloud.

“Thanks for sticking with me. I’ll never understand why you did, but I’ll try to make it worth it,” Gabriel said.

Jack looked down at the man he loved. “I’ll hold you to that.” Jack smiled at him, and unusually enough, Gabriel looked him in the eyes and smiled back.

Jack’s life for decades had been a whirlwind of stress, trauma, and wildly swinging emotions. Even with the good times, he never got the chance to rest like this until now. The chance to reach some kind of calm, to take life in and enjoy it.

And there was no one else he’d rather do it with.


End file.
